Coffee at 9. Fries at 5. Write that down.

Usually I eschew fast-food, so I’ll admit I’m a bit out of my element at a drive-thru window. Last week, however, the stars aligned and I visited two different McDonald’s restaurants. On Monday at 5:30pm, I ordered a children’s meal. On Wednesday at 9am, I ordered a coffee. In both cases, I was asked to pull into the lot and wait for my order.

“We’re just waiting for the fries,” was Monday’s explanation.

“The coffee will be up in a minute,” I was told on Wednesday.

Sometimes I try to quiet the customer service/operations manager voices in my head. Sometimes I chalk up experiences like these to bizarre coincidence. But other times, I have to say, they blew it.

Like, both of these times. In what world is it hard to imagine McDonald’s customers wanting coffee in the morning and fries at dinnertime?

Business Writing Must Serve Readers

There's writing lesson here, folks, and I can sum it up in one word: Anticipation.

Sometimes it’s good. (Cue Carly Simon.)  It’s good when the WRITER ANTICIPATES WHAT THE READER needs to know.

Other times it's bad. It’s bad when your readers are thinking, “why doesn’t it say…?” Because if your audience doesn't find what they want to know, on rare occasion they will call you. But much more often, the audience will move on and get what they need from someone else. 

Whether you’re writing a return policy, employee handbook, or a stop sign, the most fundamental part of your preparation is to anticipate what your reader needs to know - and provide it.

And just in case you’re wondering: no, thanks. I don’t want fries with that. 

~Diane Stresing

Bloppers, or why you need a little help

Recently seen in a real magazine, with ellipses placed to protect the identity of the writer:   

"They made there first record... and I was fortunate enough to do their first official shoot." 

(I couldn't help thinking, if they're really fortunate, you won't be their English teacher.) 

Look, if you don't make mistakes, you're not human. But the reading public - meaning your customers and prospects - will judge you by your mistakes. 

You can argue some mistakes are OK - if they get you noticed, for example, and you're of the any-attention-is-better-than-none mindset. Of course in business, that's a pretty lame operating principle. 

Sure the bible's had several famously flawed editions, and we're still reading those.* While you can take a few cues from religion and history when you're developing a PR and marketing strategy, I highly recommend you toss in some tips from folks with more practical industry experience. 

*Copywriters, note: word has it the biblical scribes were flogged or otherwise severely reprimanded for their errors.

-~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -

~Diane Stresing                             

Some mistakes are more expensive than others.


Know any copyeditors who charge $25,000/minute? Now there's justification.

"I'm sorry this is so long. I'd have written a shorter blog post but I didn't have time."

Or so I paraphrase what many have said before (some in fewer words) - and what is one of the most telling bits on writing ever written, IMHO.

Which brings me to Twitter, Reddit, and the all-too-human tendency to search for a more complicated answer when a perfectly good - if unbelievably simple - answer is sitting right there, in plain sight. SMH.

In a weak moment, I waded in to the silly media stories of the day to find out if Twitter has The Magic Formula for social media success and What Newspapers Can Learn from Reddit and was disappointed in both. The Twitter article disappointed me more, because it points out how myopic many (most?) advertising industry pundits are. It's possible people read/like Twitter because it's short and easy to read, right? No, that's too easy. Let's search instead for a new, improved, 2012 answer because it's no longer fashionable to use the 2010 answer. It's also possible people respond to Twitter's ads because there's a higher proportion of good ads and/or they're targeted and/or timed better and/or they're not lost among quite so many distractions as Facebook, where you can plan your family reunion, have a virtual high school reunion, lose your job, and run your own business? Augh. Sometimes a cigar is a cigar. And when it's not a cigar, it shouldn't take a semester's worth of discussion to figure out what it really is.

The second article, about newspapers and their impending doom (not) ticked me off because the headline is a sell-out for an article that's quite worth a read.

Here's my crazy, all-too-simple answer for the industry watchers: news outlets that offer news - aka important information that has nothing to do with what Snooki named her baby or how Nicki Minaj will vote - will have an audience. Advertising that's good, and seen, will work. In the newspaper, on the evidently nearly dead Facebook, or on today's SM darling.

If your ads are good, in front of the right people, when they're not too terribly distracted, they'll work.

I repeated it because that ups the odds that you'll get the message.

Which is something that was once taught in advertising 101, before distractions were born, right after Al Gore invented the internet.

Hey I read it online. It's gotta be true. Source? I don't need no stinkin' source. It was on ABC News, and they got it straight from Twitter.

So back to ads on Twitter, or anywhere.  Here's a tip: No matter how good your ads are, they won't return well this month/quarter for folks interested in the DNA ENCODE reports or cool photos of Mars. Those are called distractions. Both of which are undoubtedly better and probably more important than one election on a planet that supports more than one country.

Thanks for reading and by all means keep thinking out there. I'll edit this down to 140 characters when I get a round tuit.

~Diane Stresing

~ the links, in case you want them ~

http://dangerousintersection.org/2006/04/12/more-time-shorter-letter/


http://pandodaily.com/2012/09/04/will-twitters-uncanny-luck-ever-run-out/?utm_source=readme&utm_medium=rightrail&utm_content=2&utm_campaign=recirc

http://gigaom.com/2012/09/04/what-newspapers-and-other-media-could-learn-from-reddit/?utm_source=readme&utm_medium=rightrail&utm_content=3&utm_campaign=recirc

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=junk-dna-encode

http://www.space.com/17474-mars-rover-curiosity-longest-drive.html

The short of the DNA ENCODE story:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/09/05/dna-database-unlocks-map-to-genetic-disease/

The long of it:
http://www.plosbiology.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pbio.1001046

And the medium but digestible for the liberal arts crowd version:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=junk-dna-encode

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMG5fkiY_-ZH9wjRm8UgfS07Kb-kN5iKUPLdKnOdWer4QhOah491nTehm2q8O_nIgiB3awvWX_Vo6fVAQJ2wLAJZRAwuP1JBBKy1EgVXOoRH7VzG3747fr9LqJ39qEJo6ToN9RXTK941sp/s1600/A_Round_Tuit_Picture.jpg&imgrefurl=http://mouthmotions.blogspot.com/2011/03/round-tuit.html&h=1104&w=1144&sz=216&tbnid=ExrYxeZ4N6wbCM:&tbnh=91&tbnw=94&zoom=1&usg=__lLJ-I0XH6GTQkylPD1kTXVdHtgY=&sa=X&ei=WsJIUL6tL6rO2AW_sIHQDQ&ved=0CCUQ9QEwAQ&dur=1265

How much? It depends.

How much does a freelance writer charge?  

You know the saying, 'words are cheap?' Well, that may be true - but writing skills have tremendous value. And the wrong words can be extremely costly. But don't worry - my fees won't cost you an arm, or a leg. I promise. 

 My charges are reasonable, and I'll often work on a 'per project' basis. That way, clients know what to expect from the start.  In other words, the answer to "how much?" is, "it depends." Call me; we'll figure it out.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

Ok, that little ditty is still true - it's how I handled the question on my website before I revamped the pages. It seemed like a good idea to get a little more mileage out of those paragraphs here...

But if you're a freelance writer, you know "it depends" isn't quite the right answer. Too often, the answer to "how much do you charge" is "not enough." Scope creep is alive and well and you'll find it drags out almost every project. 

To be fair, when I feel that way about 9 of my last 10 projects, I know what I should do: it's time to raise my rates. 

The last time I felt this way, however, I tried a different tactic. Instead of taking a deep breath and preparing a "my rates have changed" speech, I created a list of questions to ask clients before beginning a project. My hope is that, if we answer those 5 little questions, neither one of us should be surprised by a project that morphs into something completely different. 

Well, a girl can hope.  

~Diane Stresing

Local Gets Social: It's about time

When it comes to media, messaging, social media, branding and business communications in general, I think there are several distinct, parallel universes. (Corporate giants may qualify as a couple of different animals in their own right.)

I also think most of us will agree - by us, this time I mean consumers - that the question isn't IF a small business should use social media, the question is HOW?

>>> Why I'm convinced small businesses need social media
>>> ...and yet another convincing argument

The short answer is, just (about) like anyone else. If everyone on the 'net is all a-twitter about Mother's Day, you probably should be too. But your comments don't need to trend worldwide. They need to reach your local audience, your followers, and entice them to share. (In case you're so busy running your business you haven't noticed, in 2012 "share" means "recommend." And "recommend" still means "new business.") 

If you're a worldwide brand, maybe your Mother's Day comments should ride the coattails of a celebrity story, a la "Do you admire Angelina Jolie's maternal style?". If your business focuses on a 25-mile radius, though, leave Angelina alone. You can focus on something much more personal, much more real.  A bring-a-friend offer is the ideal engagement tool for you and your customers. For example, "Bring a friend who's like a mom to you" or "tell us what your mom did that drove you crazy, that you do now and both of you get 20% off your next service."

See? It's easy. And it's important, because no matter how small your business, you don't want it to get any smaller! The hard part about any form of marketing is finding the time to do it. The next Local Gets Social Tip will focus on finding the time to reach your market and attract new customers.

~Diane Stresing

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _
Don't let the Pepsis and Cokes of the world define your marketing plan. Yours is probably better, anyway. Need a little help getting on the right social media track? Find out what a professional copywriter can do for you.
  << it's a safe! Isn't that cool?!

Say it in Pictures

Is Slideshare the new content marketing king? And if a picture on Pinterest is worth more than a thousand words, what's Panasonic trying to say?

 Social media expert?

Yeh, well, I don't know either. I've about reached the point that I automatically discredit anyone who claims to be a social media expert. (Really, how long can a person claim a title like that? Twenty minutes?)

Repeat after me: don't confuse the tools with the trade. Marketing, advertising, and brand identity still have more to do with words and customer service than they do with Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Digg, Foursquare or even MySpace. And you can +1 this, or pin that to your wall.

~Diane Stresing

Pucker up and remember

This is personal. It's about pickles, and perception.

When I was young, my mom made refrigerator pickles, all the time. We loved to eat them. Opening the refrigerator and grabbing a forkful of the sweet, tangy cucumber slices on a hot day, particularly after having roasted and splashed away the afternoon at Mt. Air Swimming Pool, defined summer.

Or maybe not.

Proof! That's my mom's handwriting on the recipe.

40 or so years after this memory was recorded, I found out I'm the only one in my family who remembers "refrigerator pickles." 

But we ate them all the time. Every day, we'd come home from the swimming pool and ...

"I'm sorry. I don't remember them," my dad told me.

"Well mom will," I replied rather haughtily.

She didn't.

And so I came face-to-face with the revolting fact that some memories are invented, or at least embellished. My memories. It was so disconcerting I decided to quit thinking about it.

At least I have the recipe for those pickles, and mom's kind assurances that yes, she probably made them more than once.

Manufacturing Memories

In an effort to recover from the jolt of realizing my sweet memories may be more pixie dust than pickles, I've made those pickles three times this summer already. I'll make them again, too, because they're every bit as good as I remember. Or at least I think they are.

To set the record straight, I should point out that they're not even real pickles. They're "Pickled Cucumbers." (The injuries continue.) Now when I crunch them, made-up memories swirl in my head with nagging little questions. Questions like, what kind of memories will my kids have 40-odd years from now? I hope they're sweet and tangy, like mine. Even if they're mixed up with a little imagination.

Most moms I know beat themselves up frequently because they're not providing their kids with the idyllic childhoods they (the moms) remember.

But what if the recipe for a delicious, tangy childhood is really easy? What if it's based on selectively embellished memories? Wouldn't that be a relief?

Sweet Hope

Maybe the reason I don't remember my mom griping about driving back and forth to the pool and everywhere else my friends and I wanted to go is because she didn't complain. But I doubt it. Do you know any moms who don't complain about the driving and other humdrum tasks that comprise summer activities? Maybe I don't remember Mom's complaints because the pickles and a few other sweetly embellished memories (however inaccurate) crowded out the everyday grumbling.

The idea gives me hope. Maybe my kids will remember me as a little sweeter than I really am, and my cooking as a little better than it is. I sure hope so.

For posterity, then, here's the recipe that inspired my somewhat inaccurate but quite idyllic summer memory. In case you're wondering, my kids didn't exactly love these at first bite. But I'm hoping they remember these pickles - or something else, whether I actually made it or not - as the absolutely perfect summer treat.

Pickled Cucumbers with Dill

1/2 cup vinegar

1/4 cup sugar

2 tablespoons water

1/2 teaspoon salt

dash pepper

2 medium cucumbers

2 tablespoons fresh dill

Combine vinegar, sugar, water, salt and pepper in a saucepan. While you bring it to a boil, use a vegetable peeler or sharp knife to remove strips of peel lengthwise from cucumbers, leaving alternate strips of peel intact. Slice cucumbers and place in bowl. Add vinegar mixture. Sprinkle with dill. Toss gently. Cover and chill at least two hours. Add memories and enjoy. 

~Diane Stresing

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This personal essay is included in Dumb Things We Say to Dogs. A much more scientific explanation about how memories are distorted and invented can be found on PsyBlog.